Personality Developement

How to Win Friends and Influence People

1.Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
2.Don't criticize, condemn or complain.
3.Give honest and sincere appreciation.
4.Arouse in the other person an eager want.
5.Six ways to make people like you
6.Become genuinely interested in other people.
7.Smile.
8.Remember that a person's name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
9.Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
10.Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
11.Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
12.Win people to your way of thinking
13.The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
14.Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
15.If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
16.Begin in a friendly way.
17.Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
18.Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
19.Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
20.Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
21.Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
22.Appeal to the nobler motives.
23.Dramatize your ideas.
24.Throw down a challenge.
25.Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or
Arousing Resentment
26.A leader's job often includes changing your people's attitudes
and behavior. Some suggestions to accomplish this:
27.Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
28.Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
29.Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
30.Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
31.Let the other person save face.
32.Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
Be "hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise."
33.Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
34.Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
35.Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

Fundamental facts you should know about worry
If you want to avoid worry, do what Sir William Osler did:
Live in "day-tight compartments. "Don't stew about the futures. Just live each day until bedtime.
The next time Trouble--with a Capital T--backs you up in a corner, try the magic formula of Willis H. Carrier:
Ask yourself,
"What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can't solve my problem? "
Prepare yourself mentally to accept the worst--if necessary.
Then calmly try to improve upon the worst--which you have already mentally agreed to accept.
Remind yourself of the exorbitant price you can pay for worry in terms of your health. "Those who do not know how to fight worry die young."
Basic techniques in analyzing worry
Get the facts. Remember that Dean Hawkes of Columbia University said that "half the worry in the world is caused by people trying to make decisions before they have sufficient knowledge on which to base a decision."
After carefully weighing all the facts, come to a decision.
Once a decision is carefully reached, act! Get busy carrying out your decision--and dismiss all anxiety about the outcome.
When you, or any of your associates, are tempted to worry about a problem, write out and answer the following questions:
What is the problem?
What is the cause of the problem?
What are all possible solutions?
What is the best solution?
How to break the worry habit before it breaks you
Crowd worry out of your mind by keeping busy. Plenty of action is one of the best therapies ever devised for curing "wibber gibbers."
Don't fuss about trifles. Don't permit little things--the mere termites of life--to ruin your happines.
Use the law of averages to outlaw your worries. Ask yourself: "What are the odds against this thing's happening at all?"
Co-operate with the inevitable. If you know a circumstance is beyond your power to change or revise, say to yourself: "It is so; it cannot be otherwise."
Put a "stop-less" order on your worries. Decide just how much anxiety a thing may be worth--and refuse to give it anymore.
Let the past bury its dead. Don't saw sawdust.
Seven ways to cultivate a mental attitude that will bring you peace and happiness
Let's fill our minds with thoughts of peace, courage, health, and hope, for "our life is what our thoughts make it."
Let's never try to get even with our enemies, because if we do we will hurt ourselves far more than we hurt them. Let's do as General Eisenhower does: let's never waste a minute thinking about people we don't like.

Instead of worrying about ingratitude, let's expect it. Let's remember that Jesus healed ten lepers in one day--and only one thanked Him. Why should we expect more gratitude than Jesus got?
Let's remember that the only way to find happiness is not to expect gratitude--but to give for the joy of giving.
Let's remember that gratitude is a "cultivated" trait; so if we want our children to be grateful, we must train them to be grateful.
Count your blessings--not your troubles!
Let's not imitate others. Let's find ourselves and be ourselves, for "envy is ignorance" and "imitation is suicide."
When fate hands us a lemon, let's try to make a lemonade.
Let's forget our own unhappiness--by trying to create a little happiness for others. "When you are good to others, you are best to yourself."
The perfect way to conquer worry
Prayer
How to keep from worrying about criticism
Unjust criticism is often a disguised compliment. It often means that you have aroused jealousy and envy. Remember that no one ever kicks a dead dog.
Do the very best you can; and then put up your old umbrella and keep the rain of criticism from running down the back of your neck.
Let's keep a record of the fool things we have done and criticize ourselves. Since we can't hope to be perfect, let's do what E.H. Little did: let's ask for unbiased, helpful, constructive criticism.
Six ways to prevent fatigue and worry and keep your energy and spirits high
Rest before you get tired.
Learn to relax at your work.
Learn to relax at home.
Apply these four good workings habits:
Clear your desk of all papers except those relating to the immediate problem at hand.
Do things in the order of their importance.
When you face a problem, solve it then and there if you have the facts to make a decision.
Learn to organize, deputize, and supervise.
To prevent worry and fatigue, put enthusiasm into your work.
Remember, no one was ever killed by lack of sleep. It is worrying about insomnia that does the damage--not the insomnia.

The Quick and Easy Way to Effective Speaking

Fundamentals of Effective Speaking
1. Acquiring the Basic Skills
Take heart from the experience of others
Keep your goal before you
Predetermine your mind to success
Seize every opportunity to practice
2. Developing Confidence
Get the facts about fear of speaking in public
Prepare in the proper way
Predetermine your mind to success
Act confident
3. Speaking Effectively the Quick and Easy Way
Speaking about something you have earned the right to talk about through experience or study
Be sure you are excited about your subject
Be eager to share your talk with your listeners
Speech, Speaker, and Audience
4. Earning the Right to Talk
Limit your subject
Develop reserve power
Fill your talk with illustrations and examples
Use concrete, familiar words that create pictures
5. Vitalizing the Talk
Choose subjects you are earnest about
Relive the Feelings you have about your topic
Act in earnest
6. Sharing the Talk with the Audience
Talk in terms of your listeners' interests
Give honest, sincere appreciation
Identify yourself with the audience
Make your audience a partner in your talk
Play yourself down
The Purpose of Prepared and Impromptu Talks
7. Making the Short Talk to Get Action
Give your example, an incident from your life
State your point, what you want the audience to do
Give the reason or benefit the audience may expect
8. Making the Talk to Inform
Restrict your subject to fit the time at your disposal
Arrange your ideas in sequence
Enumerate your points as you make them
Compare the strange with the familiar
Use visual aids
9. Making the Talk to Convince
Win confidence by deserving it
Get a Yes-response
Speakin with contagious enthusiasm
Show respect and affection for your audience
Begin in a friendly way
10. Making Impromptu Talks
Practice impromptu speaking
Be mentally ready to speak impromptu
Get into an example immediately
Speak with animation and force
Use the principle of the Here and the Now
Don't talk impromptu--Give an impromptu talk
The Art of Communicating
11. Delivering the Talk
Crash through your shell of self-consciousness
Don't try to imitate others--Be yourself
Converse with your audience
Put your heart into your speaking
Practice making your voice strong and flexible
The Challenge of Effective Speaking
12. Introducing Speakers, Presenting and Accepting Awards
Thoroughly prepare what you are going to say
Follow the T-I-S Formula
Be enthusiastic
Thoroughly prepare the talk of presentation
Express your sincere feelings in the talk of acceptance
13. Organizing the Longer Talk
Get attention immediately
Avoid getting unfavorable attention
Support your main ideas
Appeal for action
14. Applying What You Have Learned
Use specific detail in everyday conversation
Use effective speaking techniques in your job
Seek Opportunities to speak in public
You must persist
Keep the certainty of reward before you

Don't Grow Old - Grow Up!

The first step toward maturity - Responsibility
Don't kick the Chair. Be willing to account for yourself; don't blame others.
Damn the Handicaps! - Full Speed Ahead. Don't make a handicap an excuse for failure.
Five Ways to Ditch Disaster:
Accept the inevitable; give time a chance.
Take action against trouble.
Concentrate on helping others.
Use all of life while you have it.
Count your blessings.
Action is for adults
Belief is the Basis for Action. Know what you believe and act accordingly.
Analyze Before You Act.
Two Wonderful Words that Changed a Life. When the time for action arrives, don't hesitate.
Three great rules for mental health: Know yourself, Like yourself, Be yourself
There's Only One Like You Learn to know yourself by:
Cultivating moments of solitude.
Breaking through the habit barrier.
Developing excitement and enthusiasm.
Conformity: Refuge of the Frightened. Be yourself by developing your own convictions and standards; then have the courage to live with them.
Why is a Bore? Develop inner resources to avoid boring yourself and others.
The Maturing Mind: Adventure in Adult Living. Develop your mind through intellectual activity.
Marriage is for grownups
How to Get Along with Women. Here are seven ways:
Give her appreciation.
Be generous and considerate.
Keep yourself attractive.
Understand a woman's work.
Be dependable.
Share her interests.
Love her.
Father Come Home. Children need fathers too.
How to Get Along with Men. Here are seven ways:
Be good-natured.
Be a good companion.
Be a good listener.
Be adaptable.
Be efficient, not officious.
Be yourself.
Be glad you're a woman.
The Rediscovery of Love. We must develop a more mature concept of love.
Maturity and making friends
Loneliness: The Great American Disease.
People are Wonderful. Learn to appreciate them.
Why Should People Like You? They will like you if you like them and develop qualities of warmth that attract others.
How old are you?
If You're Afraid of Growing Old, Read This. Learn some of the facts about aging.
How to Live to be 100 and Like it. To live longer, develop attitudes that promote health of mind.
Don't Let the Rocking Chair Get You. Work as long as you can.
Maturity of spirit
The Court of Last Appeal. When all else fails, try God.
The Food of the Spirit. Our spirit is nourished through prayer.

Personality development

The concept of personality refers to the profile of stable beliefs, moods, and behaviors that differentiate among children (and adults) who live in a particular society. The profiles that differentiate children across cultures of different historical times will not be the same because the most adaptive profiles vary with the values of the society and the historical era. An essay on personality development written 300 years ago by a New England Puritan would have listed piety as a major psychological trait but that would not be regarded as an important personality trait in contemporary America.

Contemporary theorists emphasize personality traits having to do with individualism, internalized conscience, sociability with strangers, the ability to control strong emotion and impulse, and personal achievement.

An important reason for the immaturity of our understanding of personality development is the heavy reliance on questionnaires that are filled out by parents of children or the responses of older children to questionnaires. Because there is less use of behavioral observations of children, our theories of personality development are not strong.

An important reason for the immaturity of our understanding of personality development is the heavy reliance on questionnaires that are filled out by parents of children or the responses of older children to questionnaires. Because there is less use of behavioral observations of children, our theories of personality development are not strong.

There are five different hypotheses regarding the early origins of personality (see accompanying table). One assumes that the child's inherited biology, usually called a temperamental bias, is an important basis for the child's later personality. Alexander Thomas and StellaChess suggested there were nine temperamental dimensions along with three synthetic types they called the difficult child, the easy child, and the child who is slow to warm up to unfamiliarity. Longitudinal studies of children suggest that a shy and fearful style of reacting to challenge and novelty predicts, to a modest degree, an adult personality that is passive to challenge and introverted in mood.

A second hypothesis regarding personality development comes from Sigmund Freud's suggestion that variation in the sexual and aggressive aims of the id, which is biological in nature, combined with family experience, leads to the development of the ego and superego. Freud suggested that differences in parental socialization produced variation in anxiety which, in turn, leads to different personalities.

A third set of hypotheses emphasizes direct social experiences with parents. After World War II, Americans and Europeans held the more benevolent idealistic conception of the child that described growth as motivated by affectionate ties to others rather than by the narcissism and hostility implied by Freud's writings. John Bowlby contributed to this new emphasis on the infant's relationships with parents in his books on attachment. Bowlby argued that the nature of the infant's relationship to the caretakers and especially the mother created a profile of emotional reactions toward adults that might last indefinitely.

A fourth source of ideas for personality centers on whether or not it is necessary to posit a self that monitors, integrates, and initiates reaction. This idea traces itself to the Judeo-Christian assumption that it is necessary to award children a will so that they could be held responsible for their actions. A second basis is the discovery that children who had the same objective experiences develop different personality profiles because they construct different conceptions about themselves and others from the same experiences. The notion that each child imposes a personal interpretation to their experiences makes the concept of self critical to the child's personality.

An advantage of awarding importance to a concept of self and personality development is that the process of identification with parents and others gains in significance. All children wish to possess the qualities that their culture regards as good. Some of these qualities are the product of identification with each parent.

A final source of hypotheses regarding the origins of personality comes from inferences based on direct observations of a child's behavior. This strategy, which relies on induction, focuses on different characteristics at different ages. Infants differ in irritability, three-year-olds differ in shyness, and six-year-olds differ in seriousness of mood. A major problem with this approach is that each class of behavior can have different historical antecedents. Children who prefer to play alone rather than with others do so for a variety of reasons. Some might be temperamentally shy and are uneasy with other children while others might prefer solitary activity.

The current categories of child psychopathology influenced the behaviors that are chosen by scientists for study. Fearfulness and conduct disorder predominate in clinical referrals to psychiatrists and psychologists. A cluster of behaviors that includes avoidance of unfamiliar events and places, fear of dangerous animals, shyness with strangers, sensitivity to punishment, and extreme guilt is called the internalizing profile. The cluster that includes disobedience toward parent and teachers, aggression to peers, excessive dominance of other children, and impulsive decisions is called the externalizing profile. These children are most likely to be at risk for later juvenile delinquency. The association between inability of a three-year-old to inhibit socially inappropriate behavior and later antisocial behavior is the most reliable predictive relation between a characteristic scene in the young child and later personality trait.

Influences on personality development

The influence comes from a variety of temperament but especially ease of arousal, irritability, fearfulness, sociability, and activity level. The experiential contributions to personality include early attachment relations, parental socialization, identification with parents, class, and ethnic groups, experiences with other children, ordinal position in the family, physical attractiveness, and school success or failure, along with a number of unpredictable experiences like divorce, early parental death, mental illness in the family, and supporting relationships with relatives or teachers.

The most important personality profiles in a particular culture stem from the challenges to which the children of that culture must accommodate. Most children must deal with three classes of external challenges: (1) unfamiliarity, especially unfamiliar people, tasks, and situations; (2) request by legitimate authority or conformity to and acceptance of their standards, and (3) domination by or attack by other children. In addition, all children must learn to control two important families of emotions: anxiety, fear, and guilt, on the one hand, and on the other, anger, jealousy, and resentment.